a life forgotten
by raspberrytart
Summary: Even though he remembered nothing about his past life, Mamoru thought he knew the gist of what had happened. But then he discovers that maybe things may not have been as black-and-white as he once thought... Mamoru x Setsuna
1. Prologue

_We knew the Dark Kingdom was coming. We thought we were ready. We had been told that our princess had the power to keep the Dark Kingdom away._

_But either we weren't ready, or we had been wrong about our princess, or her powers didn't work._

_When it was over, there was nothing left._

_The entire landscape had been decimated. The ground was nothing but dirt. The trees were nothing but burnt sticks. Even the sky was brown and gray, with heavy clouds that threatened snow. _

_The bodies were everywhere-as far as the eye could see. Hundreds of thousands of people had been killed, including all my fellow Senshi, or so I presumed. I'd found several of them lying on the ground, motionless, some with obvious mortal wounds. I assumed that all the Sailor Scouts they were all here. I was far too late to save any of them. There were so many others, as well. Kings and queens, lords and ladies, servants and subjects. All dead._

_Strangely, I didn't see a single fallen enemy. Every body belonged to those who had fought for the queen, for the Earth and Moon. How had so many of our own been slaughtered? How had the Dark Kingdom amassed such numbers? And how was it that none of the Dark Kingdom had been left behind?_

_The wind began to blow, filling my nostrils with dirt and the stench of death. I turned my head away, and the breeze lifted by dark green hair into my face._

_Then I saw them. I slowly walked toward them, stepping around and over the bodies, my black, heeled boots kicking up swirls of dust. And then I was there, standing over the lifeless forms of Princess Serenity and her husband, Prince Endymion._

_Princess Serenity was lying on her back, her eyes wide open and looking at the sky. Dried blood crusted around her nose, mouth, and ears. Her gloves were burned and covered in blood, as well. Endymion was beside her, his head resting on her stomach. He faced away from me, and I didn't bother to walk around to see his face. His head had significant trauma, with his blood soaked into Serenity's white outfit._

_I didn't want to see it, but I couldn't look away._

_All that pain and heartache, and it had come to this._

_Endymion and Princess Serenity were supposed to have saved us. Maybe they had, as the energy of the Dark Kingdom was gone and I couldn't sense anything. But was it worth the cost?_

_The snowflakes that landed on their bodies began to accumulated-a testament to the fact that the bodies were no longer warm. The sight chilled me more than the frozen air._

_I tried not to cry-to be a stoic Sailor Soldier-but I could no longer take it. My anger, my fear, my shame, and my loneliness exploded inside of me._

_I screamed, slamming my Garnet Rod to the ground. And then I fell to my knees and sobbed._

_Eventually my sobs turned to cries, which turned to sniffles. I don't know how long I sat there in the dirt and snow, wiping my eyes and nose on my white gloves. But the sounds of footsteps from behind broke me out of my thoughts, and I grabbed my staff, jumped to my feet, and spun around._

_It was Princess Serenity's mother, Queen Serenity. She stood a few meters away, her white dress and hair so perfectly clean that she seemed to glow in the filthy surroundings._

_I immediately dropped to one knee, giving a nod of my head to my queen. What a sight I must have been, covered in dirt and obviously post-breakdown. She didn't acknowledge my gesture. Her gaze fell from me to the forms of her daughter and son-in-law, her expression tight and sad._

_I continued to kneel for a moment, but realized that I was not going to be spoken to. No doubt the queen was wondering why I was here. And why I was alive when the others were dead. _

_Quite simply, I had been too late._

_I rose to my feet and began to walk away. I had seen enough here. More than enough, really. The images of what I had seen here would no-doubt haunt me forever. _

_Before the battle, I had hidden at the Gates of Time, using my duty as an excuse for closing myself off from the universe, hiding from everyone that I knew._

_Now, there would be no choice in the matter._

_I was truly alone. _


	2. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: While this doesn't necessarily take place in the live-action universe, I do borrow a few themes from it, such as the fact that everyone has "normal" hair until they transform. I also refer to the Silver Millennium as the past._

* * *

The Christmas tree itself must have been 20 feet tall. It stood in the center of the hall, decked from top to bottom in blue and white lights, with blue, silver, and gold ornaments hanging from every bough. Around the tree was a dance floor that reflected the light from the tree. A string quartet played a mix of classical music and American Christmas music.

The room buzzed with activity. Some couples danced, others hung near the refreshment tables, but most everyone was enjoying the social chatter. Christmas might not have been a regular celebration in Japan, but everyone was excited to spend the evening at a lavish party with food, presents, and dancing. Even the weather had decided to participate in the festivities, and big, fat flakes of snow fell from the sky. Party-goers mingled by the large windows to watch, since snow like that was such a rarity in Tokyo.

Everyone was dressed in his or her best; evening gowns shimmered and sparkled. The girls were certainly more excited about wearing their party dresses than the guys were about being in tuxedos, but I had to say that I felt pretty handsome in my tux.

I was there with Usagi, of course, but I hadn't seen much of her other than participating in a few dances. She had spent most of the evening chatting with her friends about their dresses and school. I didn't have much to add to those conversations, but fortunately there were people of all ages to converse with.

A murmur rose up through the crowd as everyone turned to look out the window. I turned to look out with everyone else. The snow was accumulating on the roads and cars, which was causing a concern. No one was really used to driving in weather like this. People began to discuss transportation and leaving before the roads became undriveable.

"Mamoru!" Usagi called out. I turned toward her voice. She rushed toward me. "Mamoru, you need to give Setsuna a ride home. You're the only one who lives near that side of town. I already told her you'd do it."

I smiled and nodded. "I'd be happy to."

Usagi then turned and made a motion back at the crowd. A figure slipped through and started our way. I suddenly realized that it was Setsuna. She looked so unlike her usual self that I hadn't even recognized her. Her long black hair was all done up in an elaborate twist. Her makeup was dark and smoky; her lips a deep red. Her black dress hugged her curves, brushing the floor. The fabric was shirred across her bodice toward her left side. The neckline dipped low, giving a tantalizing view of her décolletage. She carried a small black clutch that matched.

"Isn't her dress amazing?" Usagi gushed. "She made it herself!"

"Really?" I said appreciatively.

Setsuna nodded proudly. "Haruka told me a few months ago that I needed to make one of my design sketches a reality, so I did."

"You did a beautiful job," I said. "And I'd be happy to take you home. But what about you, Usagi?" I asked.

"I'll catch a taxi with the girls. Don't worry about it," she said. She stood on her tiptoes, giving me a kiss. "Just drive safely."

I smiled at her. "I promise."

* * *

"Did you have a good time at the party?" I asked Setsuna I sped the car toward our part of the city.

"Yes, it was quite nice, didn't you think?" she responded. I nodded, and she continued. "I loved the Christmas tree. It was such a pretty touch."

"Definitely," I said.

"What was your favorite part of tonight?" she asked.

I thought about it for a moment. "I really enjoyed the music. It was nice to dance with Usagi a few times, especially when the dance floor was full of couples."

She nodded thoughtfully. Then I realized that I hadn't seen her dance at all that night.

"I didn't see you dance at all. Did I miss you?"

"No, I'm afraid that I didn't have a chance," she said.

"So...did you not have a date tonight?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, not tonight. I came to the party with some friends, but they had to leave early, and I decided I wanted to stay."

"What about that guy you were seeing a few months ago?" I asked. "The one with the reddish hair? The one who came with you to the Phoenix Benefit?"

"Oh, Kaito?" She shook her head again. "No, he's just a friend. Nothing serious there."

"Well, that explains why you haven't mentioned him in a while," I said. "You just don't seem to date much."

"I just have a lot going on," she said dismissively. "It's hard to go to school and work and maintain hobbies and friendships and be a sailor scout all at the same time."

"I can see that," I said.

We'd made it about halfway when the roads began to get packed with snow. The traffic slowed to a crawl; brake lights appeared as far as we could see up the road. My grip on the steering wheel tightened anxiously.

"Wow, this crazy," I said. My hands gripped the wheel tightly.

"I'm not sure it's safe to drive all the way out to your apartment," I said. "Maybe you should just stay at my place tonight and I'll take you home tomorrow. As it is, it will still probably take us an hour just to get to my place."

Her expression showed her trepidation. "Are you sure…?" she said.

I smiled. "I promise I'll be a perfect gentlemen, Setsuna," I said. "You can have the bed and I'll take the couch."

She looked out at the traffic, as if searching for an answer. I wondered why she was suddenly so nervous about the whole thing. "All right," she finally said. "It's better to be safe."

* * *

When we reached my apartment, I flipped on the lights and immediately took off my tie and tossed it onto the couch. I spun back around toward Setsuna, who was still lingering outside the open door.

"Do you I need to invite you in properly like a vampire?" I joked. "Come in," I said, making a grand sideways motion with my hands.

She stepped through the door and shut it behind her, slipping off her black heels.

"All these years we've known each other and it's your first time over," I noted. "How about that?"

"How about that?" she echoed. She seemed very nervous about something, and I wasn't sure what it was.

"Well, you're welcome to whatever you want," I said. "There's not much to the place. This is the sitting room," I said, gesturing to our surroundings, a room that looked almost straight out of the IKEA catalog. There was a couch and two chairs, and a couple of plants. It also had a wall full of bookshelves that were crammed with books, photos, and movies. "On your left is the doorway to the kitchen, and there's some drinks and snacks in there that you're welcome to. On your right is the bedroom and bathroom. Why don't you take off your coat while I find you something to wear?"

First I found a white t-shirt, a red sweatshirt, and a brand new pair of blue boxer shorts. Then I retrieved a clean washcloth and a new toothbrush. I took them out to the living room, only to find Setsuna still standing in the living room, taking everything in. She'd taken off her coat, but was holding it against her body.

"I got these things for you," I said, handing her the small bundle of items that I had gathered.

She stared at the items warily for a moment, her fingers gingerly touching the sleeve of the t-shirt.

"Are they okay?" I asked.

"Oh, yes," she finally said, breaking out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a nervous houseguest. It's been a long time since I stayed at someone's house."

"Oh really?" I said, raising my eyebrows.

She realized what she had said. "No, I mean, I-"

"Don't worry about it," I said with a smile. "I'm going to go put clean sheets on the bed. Why don't you use the bathroom?" I suggested.

She smiled and nodded this time, walking toward the bathroom door. I grabbed some clean sheets from the linen closet and began busying myself with the task of changing the linens. Of course, when I say "grabbed," I more accurately mean that I carefully selected the blue satin sheets. They were the softest, nicest ones that I had. After making the bed and turning down the covers, I grabbed my pajama pants and walked back out into the living room.

Setsuna was there already, looking at the photos that were sitting on the bookshelf-mostly photos of me as a child with my parents, or Usagi and me. She wore my sweatshirt and boxers; both of which were too large for her, but not unattractively so. Her long black hair had been released from its twist, and it cascaded down to her waist in soft waves.

"The room is ready," I said.

She turned toward me. She had washed the makeup off her face, and her breath carried the scent of mint toothpaste. I immediately was drawn to the reddish color of her irises-it was the same color that she had as Sailor Pluto.

"Wow, your eyes!" I said in amazement.

She blushed a little bit. "Sorry, I had to take out my contacts to sleep."

"I didn't know you wore contacts," I said.

"Um, not to see. Only to cover up the natural color. I've found that people are really disturbed by red eyes."

I smiled at her. "Well, I think they're great," I said.

"Thank you," she said.

She walked slowly toward the bedroom door, stopping in the doorway. She looked around the bedroom, somewhat hesitantly, taking in everything inside.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

She turned her head and smiled softly at me. "Yes, it is. By the way, you were quite handsome tonight."

I beamed at the compliment. "Why thank you."

"No, thank _you_, Mamoru, for letting me stay here."

"You're welcome, Setsuna. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded, moving toward the bedroom. "Have a good night."

"You, too."

After she shut the door, I changed into some pajama pants and prepared my bed on the couch, and then texted Usagi to tell her that I was home safely.

"_So glad you're safe!" _she texted back. _"Love you lots! Good night!"_

I paused for a moment, debating on whether or not I should tell her that Setsuna was at my apartment. Ultimately, I decided against it. Usagi would only jump to conclusions and become jealous; there was no point for that.

I turned out the light and pulled the covers over me, just as the strip of light showing under the bedroom door turned out.

* * *

"_You must understand," Endymion said. "The Earth cannot join with Pluto. You have a duty to guard the Gates of Time."_

_My emotions were boiling in my stomach. "Don't talk to me about _my _duty!" I spat angrily. "I know my duty far better than you ever could! Don't use _my_ duty as _your_ excuse."_

"_Do you think I want this?!" he exclaimed._

"_Don't you?!" I shouted. "I don't you see trying to stop it."_

_Tears were forming in his eyes. "I know," he said. "But this is more important than just you and me. I'm a Prince," he said, his voice cracking. "I'm responsible for the Earth. I can't allow myself to be selfish. It is the only way." He set it with conviction, but his emotions betrayed him._

_I was stunned. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Love was supposed to be forever. We were supposed to be together. Now he was leaving me for the Princess of the Moon-a girl so young that it would surprise me if she had been a woman for even two years. The Earth had its enemies, and the Moon Kingdom was by far the most powerful in our solar system. It also had the benefit of proximity. But there had to be another way, didn't there? _

"_It can't be the only way," I said, my voice quivering with emotion as I spoke my thoughts out loud. "Why do you have to form a bond in marriage? Why can't the Moon Kingdom just help you out of the goodness of their hearts?"_

"_You know how things bureaucratic things are," Endymion said, obviously agitated. "My father is insisting that it must be done this way. Alliances must be formed."_

_I blinked back the tears that were forming in my eyes. "But I love you, Endymion! How can I live knowing that you are with her instead of me?"_

"_There will be war if Earth does not join with the Moon against the Dark Kingdom; you know that. Millions will die."_

_I said nothing, turning over every scenario in my head. "Yes, I know," I finally said, my voice tight and cold. I drew my arms around myself. My chest burned and it felt hard to breathe._

_So this is what it felt like when your heart was breaking._

_He pulled me against him. I wanted to melt into his arms and receive their comfort, but the ache inside of me was growing. What was the point? He was no longer mine._

"_Very well," I said, resigned, stepping back. "Go be with your princess."_

_He sighed in frustration. "Please don't be like that," he begged._

"_Well how do you want me to be?!" I exclaimed. The sadness was being replaced with anger now. "Do you want me to be happy for you? Tell you how excited I am for you to go make _that girl_ your wife and take her to your wedding bed?" My voice cracked and quickly blinked back more tears. "Well, excuse me if I lack the proper enthusiasm, Your Highness."_

_He looked like I had slapped him. He said nothing for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He wiped the tears from his eyes. Then he spoke. "Setsuna," he began, "I want you to know that I will always lo-"_

"_Don't," I interrupted, holding up my hand. I couldn't stand to hear him say those words. Not any more. Not when he would be saying them to _her_. "Don't say anything more. Don't make this harder on us, okay? Do what you need to do."_

_Endymion hesitated. I knew he wanted to say more, but what could he say? "Goodbye, Setsuna," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. And then he walked away._

_I let out a long sigh; the dam holding back my emotions broke, and the tears overtook me._


	3. Chapter 2

I woke suddenly to the whistle of the tea kettle. The dream I'd been having raged through my mind. What on earth had that been? Had I been having an argument with myself? But my voice in the dream...it had been female.

"_There will be war if Earth does not join with the Moon against the Dark Kingdom; you know that. Millions will die."_

"_How can I live knowing that you are with her instead of me?"_

"_Go be with your princess."_

I pushed back the blanket over me and sat up, running a hand through my hair and rubbing my eyes. Despite my night of sleep, I was exhausted.

There was some clattering in the kitchen, and the tea kettle stopped whistling. Setsuna.

I stood and pulled back the curtains in front of the window; a city covered with snow waited outside. I'd never seen so much snow in the city before. Everyone had apparently decided to stay inside today; not a single person was to be seen.

As I stood there, the dream from last night seeped back into my head.

"_Setsuna," _my dream self had said_, "I want you to know-"_

"Hey, you're up," Setsuna's voice came from the kitchen doorway, breaking me from my thoughts.

I turned toward her. She was still wearing the clothes I had given her last night, but she'd reapplied her makeup and brushed her hair. I could see the shadow of her black bra underneath the white t-shirt.

"I made breakfast," she said. "Come join me."

I smiled. "It smells wonderful. I'll be there in five minutes."

She disappeared back into the kitchen. I grabbed my t-shirt off of the arm of the couch and slipped it over my head as I trudged into the bathroom. After using the toilet, I washed my hands and then began to splash water on my face.

I'd seen Setsuna's dream. I was sure of it. My power of psychometry had decided to manifest itself. But why? And why had she dreamed such a thing? It had been so full of emotion-full of pain.

I toweled off my face and joined Setsuna in the kitchen. The room was full of the aroma of breakfast; the table had already been set.

"Good morning," I said, announcing my arrival.

She turned away from the stove, greeting me with a warm smile. "Good morning."

"So, how did you sleep?" I asked tentatively.

"Oh, just fine," she said, wiping her hands on a towel.

"The bed was comfortable enough?"

"Yes, very much," she said.

I watched her as she reached up to the top shelf to pull down some tea cups. "No odd dreams?"

She hesitated the slightest bit-I wouldn't have even seen it if I hadn't been looking for it. "Oh, just the usual, I suppose," she responded, setting the cups down on the countertop.

She began to pour the hot water from the teapot into the teacups. I gazed out the window again, but my mind had gone back to the dream. Why had Setsuna dreamed about something so horrible? And why had I seen it?

"Mamoru?" Setsuna's voice rang out, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I noticed that she had set my tea and breakfast in front of me, and was looking at me expectantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I quickly apologized. "My mind was drifting while looking at all this snow. I'm not sure I've ever seen this much snow in the city!" I looked down at my plate and the steaming food. She'd made steamed rice, miso soup, and a rolled omelet. "It all looks delicious," I said.

She smiled as she slid into the seat across from me. The red glimmer in her eyes was particularly evident where we sat by the light of the window, making her eyes shine like garnets.

She took a sip of her tea. "So what are the odds of me getting home today?" she asked.

"Well, there's a lot of snow out there," I said, "but I bet things will be a little more clear by this afternoon. Assuming there's no more snow, I can probably take you home after lunch."

She nodded. "That sounds good. I'm so terribly sorry to impose on you like this," she said.

"I already told you-it's no imposition. I don't have any place I need to be today, and even if I did, traffic isn't necessarily going anywhere this morning. And after all, you did make me a delicious breakfast. It's nice to spend time with you."

* * *

_The greenhouse on Pluto was one of my favorite places. It was the only place where Earth plants grew, of course, aided by sun lamps, water, and special dirt. The room was full of plants and greenery that I had collected, mostly with long green leaves that dangled toward the floor. A few Plutonian plants were here, though, such as the __coelestis, which__ would be blooming very soon, I noted with pleasure._

_I took a deep breath, enjoying the warm, musty air. I loved it in here because the warmth and life was everything that Pluto wasn't. Really, though, I liked it here because it reminded me of him._

_Today I was potting a few new seedlings. I had taken the opportunity to dress casually, and wore a short, yellow gingham skirt and white lace tank top, and had my dark green, knee-length hair up in a thick ponytail. It was probably the wrong outfit for working in the dirt, but it seemed like the right kind of summery look for the greenhouse. Especially since tomorrow was the first day of summer on Pluto._

_As I concentrated on my little pots of seedlings, a few droplets of sweat fell from my brow into my cleavage. I stepped back, wiping my brow with my forearm. It certainly was warm in here! I removed my purple gardening gloves, reaching for the glass of water that I had left nearby._

_I heard the greenhouse door open, and I turned in surprise. No one ever came in here but me, so who would be intruding? And then I saw him, stepping through the door. Endymion! _

_My breath caught in my throat. It couldn't be. Was I hallucinating? _

_He smiled at me, rushing over as if he couldn't contain himself for another moment. He gathered me into his arms, hugging me tightly. "Hello, Setsuna," he said softly into my ear._

"_Oh my god. Endymion!" I exclaimed, barely finding the words. His shirt was so soft against my cheek. I held him even tighter, afraid to let go and find out that I was imagining things. I could feel his heart beating against my chest. Tears of joy welled up in my eyes. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I had to see you," he responded. "I woke up the other day and realized that just couldn't stand being away from you for another day. So I decided to do something about it and come and see you." He took a small step back so that he could look at me._

_I was suddenly very aware of my sweaty face, dirty clothes, and messy ponytail. "You could have warned me that you were coming so that I could clean up a little."_

_He laughed softly. "You're gorgeous, Setsuna. More beautiful than I remember, actually." He continued to look at me, and I could see his blue eyes drinking in my every feature. "We see each other on the vid-screen, but it's so different in person…"_

_I was thinking the same thing about him. It had been two years since I'd seen him face-to-face. We'd seen each other via our vid-screens, but it was so different to see him in person. I felt like I was seeing him again for the first time, taking in his strong muscles and dark hair. He wore a dark red button-up shirt and black pants, which looked fantastic. My heart pounded in my chest with the excitement of it all._

_He put his index finger under my chin, gently running his thumb across my lips. His touch made my lips tingle. _

"_I can't tell you how excited I was when I got up this morning, knowing that I was going to see you-to have an opportunity to kiss these lips."_

_My heart skipped a beat. Kiss? Was he going to kiss me? Was this going to be my first kiss?_

"_Is this a dream?" I asked quietly._

"_There's only one way to check," Endymion said._

_I couldn't take it any more. I _had_ to kiss him. I'd imagined it a million times, but now it was really happening. As if acting on the same impulse, he leaned forward, gently pressing his lips against mine._

_His lips were so soft, and their touch flooded me with warmth throughout my body. After all my dreaming, he was here. And we were sharing our first kiss._

_It was all too soon that he pulled away. Tears began to form in my eyes, and I blinked clear them away._

_He smiled at me. "I guess this isn't a dream."_

_I lifted my hand, tracing his jawline with my finger. "It still feels like one to me."_

"_I've been imagining that kiss forever," he said._

"_Me, too."_

_Our lips met again._


	4. Chapter 3

The dream faded quickly and I opened my eyes.

I'd fallen asleep on the couch while reading a book, which now lie closed on the cushion next to my chest. I glanced over at Setsuna, who had fallen asleep in the large easy chair, her head resting on her arms, which were lying on the arm of the chair. A blanket was tucked snuggly around her legs. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

As I sat up, I noticed that my lips felt...tingly. As if they'd just been kissed. I began to think about the dream again. It was the second dream I'd had featuring myself-from Setsuna's point of view. What was going on? Why was I intruding into Setsuna's dreams?

I went to the bathroom, and then retrieved a notebook and pen and brought them back to the couch, scribbling down notes from my dreams. I figured piecing things together would be easier if I could refer to the dreams, so I wrote down as much as I could remember. Fortunately, my dream recollection was excellent.

I wrote down all the dialogue I could remember, as well as the emotions. Every bit of it was crystal clear in my mind.

I'd been contemplating things for a few minutes when I looked over and saw that Setsuna was awake. She hadn't moved, but her eyes were open. How long had she been watching me?

I gave her a shaky smile while closing my notebook. "Hi there."

She smiled softly, "Hello. Sorry, I guess I fell asleep."

"I fell asleep, too, don't worry about it."

She finally sat up, stretching her arms above her head. "What time is it?"

"Not sure," I replied. "Late in the afternoon. It'll be getting dark soon." I kept watching her, waiting for something to trigger inside my head.

"Oh wow," she said in surprise. "This day has just flown by. She held the blanket while she stood up, and then began to fold it. Are you okay to take me home now?"

I nodded.

"Okay, then I'm just going to go get ready."

* * *

The last rays of the sun disappeared from view and the soft glow of evening took over. The neon signs were lighting up the sky, as well as the headlight and taillights of the car. The snow had mostly melted during the day and the roads were clear, but it was still very cold outside.

Setsuna sat in the passenger seat, once again wearing her coat, evening gown, and dress shoes. I felt extremely underdressed next to her.

We said nothing most of the ride, wrapped up in our own thoughts. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, however, which I appreciated.

I pulled the car up in front of Setsuna's apartment building.

"Thank you, Mamoru," she said gratefully, reaching for the door handle.

"So, coffee shop on Tuesday?" I said, referring to our weekly get together.

She smiled and nodded. "See you then." And then she was gone.

* * *

For as much sleep as I'd had during the day, I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home, and wanted nothing more than a shower and some sleep. But as soon as I walked in the door of my apartment, my cell phone rang. It was Usagi.

"Hey, sweetheart," I spoke into the phone.

"Hey, Mamoru!" Usagi chimed back. "Where have you been all day? Why I haven't you called me?"

"Just been at home," I said as I took off my jacket. "The weather was so bad, so I just caught up on some reading and sleep. What about you?"

Usagi began to tell me about her day at home with her mother and brother. She talked excitedly for 20 minutes, giving me time to clean up the apartment a little and brush my teeth. It took several tries at ending the conversation before I was able to hang up. Usagi was definitely more of a night person than I was.

After the call with Usagi, I took a shower and prepared for bed.

Ugh, the sheets. I'd forgotten to change them. Screw it. I was too tired. And yet I wanted to go through my notes one more time. I climbed under the covers, leaning back on my pillow while I scanning my notes and added a few new ones.

For some reason, I couldn't get my mind off of those dreams. The universe was trying to tell me something, I was sure of it. But if there was something there...I just couldn't piece it together.

Finally my fatigue overtook me. I set the notebook aside and turned off the light, sinking down into my pillow.

It only took a moment for me to realize that the bed smelled like Setsuna. It was a subtle smell, but definitely hers.

It was my last thought before I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_I looked out the window toward the black expanse of space, my eyes quickly locating the brightest dot-the sun. It was the only thing I could see that I could connect with him. Every second he was heading closer to that dot, and further away from me._

_My father had demonstrated through words and action that I shouldn't expect to have love or companionship in my life. Neither one of these things worked well with someone who had to stand watch at the Gates of Time. I'd seen how much my father and mother had loved each other, and how hard it was for her when he was away from the castle for months at a time. She tried to be brave, but I also knew of the times when she would cry. Then I saw the turmoil in my father's eyes when Mother became sick, when he couldn't be there for her, when he couldn't take away her pain. It was an agonizing illness, and it took years before she died. Afterward, I could see the sadness in his eyes when he looked at me, because I looked so much like her._

_No, love was only pain._

_And yet, even though I hadn't gotten looking for it, it had found me. There had been so much happiness, laughter, and love in the castle over the past few days while he had been here-emotions that hadn't filled these halls since I was a little girl. The entire castle had seemed like a brighter place, full of energy._

_But now…_

_Now the silence was oppressive. _

_Now came the pain._

_How had I already become accustomed to his hand in mine? Or the feel of his lips on mine? Or seeing his smile in person? Now that all those things were gone, it all felt like I had dreamt the whole thing._

_There were all of those people who got to see and talk to him every day. Did they know how lucky they were? How much I longed to be in their shoes?_

_I could imagine the whole thing._

"_You should be settling down, Your Highness," they would say to him. "You need to find someone to love."_

"_I do love someone," he would return. "The Princess of Pluto."_

_And then there would be that look of surprise and pity._

_I turned away from the window, walking into the kitchen. Our breakfast dishes were there, sitting at a table set for two. It was a reminder that he _had_ been there. The sight made my chest felt heavy, and it was a little hard to breathe. There would be another reminder up in the bedroom, where a pillow creased with his head waited for me. And would I be able to go into the greenhouse without the persistent memory of him being there?_

_I'd always been alone, but for the first time in my life, I was lonely. And it was suffocating me._


	5. Chapter 4

I was awake long before my alarm, and even though I _still_ felt exhausted, I couldn't go back to sleep. I turned on the light, and jotted down the notes from my latest dream. Three nights in a row now I'd had the dreams, and Setsuna hadn't even been near me last night. Something was going on. I couldn't ignore or deny it.

I struggled through my morning classes, trying to pay attention, but failing miserably through a mix of fatigue and inattention. By noon, I realized that the whole morning had been a complete waste of time.

What the hell was going on with my head?

I'd never experienced dreams that felt so real before-so full of emotion and passion and detail. Even more so is that there was nothing vague about these dreams; they were specific and even full of thoughts and feelings that weren't mine. Almost as if they were…

Memories.

The realization made goosebumps appear on my arms.

That's why they had felt different. These weren't dreams-they were memories. _Setsuna's _memories. Which meant that Setsuna had memories of her and me...together.

This revelation acted like a bolt of lightning. I jumped out of my seat, startling the professor and the students around me. I mumbled an apology as I grabbed my coat and backpack and took off for the door.

I glanced at the clock and tried to remember Setsuna's class schedule. If I hurried, I could catch her on her way to her class in the science building.

And so I ran.

It took me 20 minutes to run across campus, my heart thumping in my chest as I pushed through the crowds of students that milled about the walkways. I knew that I could have called her, but I needed to _see_ her-I couldn't bring this up over the phone.

I got there just in time. Since Setsuna was taller than most of the other girls, she literally stood out among all the others as she walked along the sidewalk into the science building. She was wearing a dark green coat and black skirt and boots, along with a black-and-white-striped scarf and mittens.

"Setsuna!" I called out when I got reasonably close.

She turned in surprise, stepping out of the way of the students headed into the building.

"Mamoru!" she exclaimed as I came to stop beside her. "What are you doing? I thought you had class right now!"

I tried to answer, but suddenly found that all my running had taken my breath away. "Had...to talk...to you," I huffed, my breath exhaling in big clouds in the cold.

"What's the matter? Did I leave something at your place?" she joked with a slight smile.

I suddenly felt really nervous. What was going to say? How was I going to broach this topic? Suddenly my actions seemed extremely hasty. My run had also made me really warm, and I could feel my body sweating under my coat.

"I need..to ask you...a question," I said quickly before taking another breath.

"Okay," she responded, looking at me softly with her brown eyes.

Suddenly, I couldn't spit out the words. What if I asked this and I was wrong? I felt like even just asking this was going to change something about our relationship.

"Mamoru?" she prodded softly. "What is it?

I had to ask. It would drive me nuts if I didn't. I'd run all this way. Now was the time. "Setsuna," I began slowly, trying to form the question in my mind. "Did we ever...have a relationship?"

I saw the color drain from her face as she blinked several times. "What-what are you talking about?" she asked awkwardly. "What kind of odd question is that?"

I motioned with my head for her to walk with me away from the crowded entrance to the science building. She fell into step along side me. For some reason, it was easier to talk with her when I didn't have to look directly into her eyes.

I'd finally caught my breath, so now I was able to form full sentences. "I've been having dreams," I began. "In one, I saw you in a greenhouse, surrounded by plants. It didn't feel like Earth. You were wearing a yellow skirt." I heard her exhale quickly, softly, but didn't look at her. Instead, I continued, "We...we kissed."

She lifted a trembling hand to cover her mouth, turning her head away. "What a strange dream," she said. She was trying to play it off lightly, but I could hear the shakiness in her voice.

"I have a feeling that it wasn't just a dream, though," I prompted.

She didn't respond.

I stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop walking. I could tell that her eyes were full of tears, but she wouldn't look directly at me. I could see her lower lip and nostrils trembling as she struggled to keep her emotions in check.

"Setsuna," I prodded. "Please, I need to know. Was it just a dream?"

It felt like an eternity before she answered.

"No," she finally said, her voice cracking as the tears tumbled out of her eyes. "It wasn't a dream."


End file.
